Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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