at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
