You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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