Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
