I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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