Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
