And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
