I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize