The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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