Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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