i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
