This girl is more easily done than said...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
