we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
