I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
