Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
