Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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