I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
