I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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