dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize