Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
