It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
