i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
