Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
