She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize