I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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