did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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