Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
