Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
