You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize