Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
