fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize