i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
