I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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