just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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