i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
