i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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