So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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