If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
