I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
