About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
