Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
