She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
