All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
