I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
