Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
