The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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