the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
