After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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