He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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