he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
