I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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