I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize