Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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