Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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