hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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