I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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