if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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