I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
