ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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