So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
