Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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