instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
