70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
