I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
