if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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