alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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