I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
time to smoke my breakfast
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize