My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
