Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
