why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
