Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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