I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
