haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
