omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
did i walk over a car last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
