Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
