even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
