i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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