those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
