Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
