K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
