whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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