i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
