Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
