Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
