Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize