My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
