it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
