just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
