Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
