yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
