I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
