Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
