Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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