Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
