I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize