they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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