Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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