He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
