whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
