I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
