i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
