He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
