What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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