They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna fight the coyote
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
