I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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