I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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