Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
