We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
