I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
